Just the thoughts of a brokenhearted Girl

What do you do when the one person you thought would be always be there for you disappears out of your life? When suddenly everything that seemed stable in your life crumbles to the ground. And there you are. Just you. It's then that you realize who you really are and what you are made out of. When you realize that the one that you love is with another person. And not only do you know it. You see it. Without notice you had been replaced, shut out, and unloved. The dreams that you had were crushed with one glance. Knowing that you would never feel that person's touch or kiss ever again. Didn't they know how much you loved them? Didn't they know that this was one moment in time that they would regret for the rest of their life? You know that person better than anyone else knew them. With one touch you could tell what they were feeling and knew how to make it better. Being with them had been an easy as breathing, and loving them came to your heart as if it had always meant to love them. The pain stings like one hundred paper cuts all at once on your heart. The rejection almost stops you from breathing, and the heavy sobs cause you to drop to your knee's in the snow without feeling the cold. Just to feel their arms close around you would cure the pain, but they aren't there, and they aren't coming back. Somehow you make it through the night and when you wake up, the cold realization that wasn't a dream punches you in the chest.

But yet, through it all there is something that keeps you moving. I'm not sure what it is yet. Maybe it is the hope that they will somehow fix it, or maybe it is the feeling that there is still someone out there who will love and heal your heart, or maybe it is pure survival instinct. Whatever it is, it carries you through and makes it endurable. It still hurts more than i can describe, but it will work out.

Just about to leave for Christmas break

Well here I am. My first semester of college over and done. And although it was good all I can do right now is keep myself from crying. My best friend, Chelsea is going to stay in Bend for Winter semester. We have grown so close, and we really know each other so well. We can always tell what the other is thinking and going through. No matter how hard I am crying, she can always make me laugh. I don't know what I am going to do without her. As I sit here and watch her pack, everything gets harder and harder. And of course, right now is the time that I have to go through guy trouble. I'm so frustrated. I just feel like my heart is being torn apart and going all over the country. I wish that things didn't always have to change. I guess though that my one hope is that relationships are forever and i will always have my friends in my heart.